SOCIAL - COMPATIBILITY
This is part 2 of the compatibility posts. If you want to catch up please read these previous posts.
The question of how you and your mate act socially was interesting. Couples seem to be either pretty equal or exact opposites. Some couples are polar opposites where one is the wallflower and the other is the life of the party. Others are what I would call ‘minglers’, meaning that they are neither wall flowers nor the life of the party; they are comfortable talking to most anyone. This makes sense if you think about it. The introverts would be more attracted to the extroverts, and the minglers would just find each other in the crowd.
Again Honey and I are polar opposites. It’s not that I’m the life of the party or anything. I’m actually kind of shy a lot of times, but I enjoy being around people and can usually find a way to make conversation with just about anyone. Honey is a home-body. She is extremely uncomfortable being around people she doesn’t know. She doesn’t like to sit on the sidelines and be the wallflower, but she won’t talk to people unless they address her directly. And even when she answers it’s not a social kind of answer. It’s usually a quick, short sentence kind of answer that almost screams “leave me alone, I don’t want to be here”. This has gotten a little better over the years but still not to the point that she likes being in social situations or is even comfortable. She tolerates them. I feel bad for her because I know she is uncomfortable and I think if she would just relax she might have more fun, but after 15 years I’ve given up trying. For this reason she rarely goes anywhere with me where there are people she doesn’t know. If she does consent to go I try to stay close to her so she doesn’t feel abandoned in a room full of strangers. And she absolutely refuses to go to a happy hour after work with me.
I attribute part of this to her upbringing. My in-laws are very family oriented, which is good, but it is almost to the point of exclusion of everyone else. And in Honey's case it is to that point. I prefer a small group of friends to hang out with, some very close. Growing up I was as close or closer to some of my friends as I was my family. Honey has very few friends, and none that I would call really close. It's not because she can't find friends. She's very sweet and people really like her. And she wants to have friends, but she just won't put forth the effort to maintain a friendship. She will talk to her mother and sister almost daily, but friends that we were once very close to we never talk to anymore; haven't talked to in years.
I know this probably seems trivial, but over the years it has become an issue for me. I like to be around people and I like having friends but I have lost touch with most of my friends because they aren't her friends. She's never told me I couldn't go out with them or anything, but I can tell by her actions that she disapproves and would rather I be at home with her. And now you're think "aaaawwww, well that's sweet", but the topic of Libido-Compatibility is coming up.
Vaya con Dios mis Amigos,
Michael
The question of how you and your mate act socially was interesting. Couples seem to be either pretty equal or exact opposites. Some couples are polar opposites where one is the wallflower and the other is the life of the party. Others are what I would call ‘minglers’, meaning that they are neither wall flowers nor the life of the party; they are comfortable talking to most anyone. This makes sense if you think about it. The introverts would be more attracted to the extroverts, and the minglers would just find each other in the crowd.
Again Honey and I are polar opposites. It’s not that I’m the life of the party or anything. I’m actually kind of shy a lot of times, but I enjoy being around people and can usually find a way to make conversation with just about anyone. Honey is a home-body. She is extremely uncomfortable being around people she doesn’t know. She doesn’t like to sit on the sidelines and be the wallflower, but she won’t talk to people unless they address her directly. And even when she answers it’s not a social kind of answer. It’s usually a quick, short sentence kind of answer that almost screams “leave me alone, I don’t want to be here”. This has gotten a little better over the years but still not to the point that she likes being in social situations or is even comfortable. She tolerates them. I feel bad for her because I know she is uncomfortable and I think if she would just relax she might have more fun, but after 15 years I’ve given up trying. For this reason she rarely goes anywhere with me where there are people she doesn’t know. If she does consent to go I try to stay close to her so she doesn’t feel abandoned in a room full of strangers. And she absolutely refuses to go to a happy hour after work with me.
I attribute part of this to her upbringing. My in-laws are very family oriented, which is good, but it is almost to the point of exclusion of everyone else. And in Honey's case it is to that point. I prefer a small group of friends to hang out with, some very close. Growing up I was as close or closer to some of my friends as I was my family. Honey has very few friends, and none that I would call really close. It's not because she can't find friends. She's very sweet and people really like her. And she wants to have friends, but she just won't put forth the effort to maintain a friendship. She will talk to her mother and sister almost daily, but friends that we were once very close to we never talk to anymore; haven't talked to in years.
I know this probably seems trivial, but over the years it has become an issue for me. I like to be around people and I like having friends but I have lost touch with most of my friends because they aren't her friends. She's never told me I couldn't go out with them or anything, but I can tell by her actions that she disapproves and would rather I be at home with her. And now you're think "aaaawwww, well that's sweet", but the topic of Libido-Compatibility is coming up.
Vaya con Dios mis Amigos,
Michael
posted by Michael at 1/17/2006 10:34:00 AM
2 Comments:
and nice music too
Very nice music! How do you do this??
I understand what you're saying about the friends thing. I, too, grew up with friends almost closer than family. And while I still have those friends and spend time with them...it's not as much as I used to and I wish that was different. The husband would rather be home, alone with just family...and while that may be "sweet", it can, at times be a bit TOO much.
Looking forward to your Libido-Compatibility post.
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